It feels a bit like learning a new language. There are unfamiliar words and acronyms being thrown around, and you are having trouble keeping up. It seems like there is so much to learn, and it is difficult to know where to start. This whole thing is supposed to help your child learn in school, but you’re the one struggling. Don’t despair – these feelings are quite common for parents and caregivers who are new to the process. Here are some tips to get you started in your journey.
1. Consider buying a book (one book – at least to start) that explains the process and is geared toward parents who are just getting started. One of my favorites is called “From Emotions to Advocacy” from Wrightslaw. You can find it on Amazon or the Wrightslaw website. This is the first book I read on special education after I learned that my daughter would be born with Down syndrome, and it helped familiarize me with the landscape.
2. Find and talk to seasoned special education parents with whom you share similar values and goals. You will be pleasantly surprised at how willing they are to chat with you and help you on your journey. They have “been there, done that” and can often provide good advice. Also, they will understand your struggles better than anyone, which is helpful when you need some emotional support and validation.
3. Get a good acronym list. The acronyms are plentiful in special education world, and it can be a bit overwhelming at first - there are FIEs, IEPs, BIPs, REEDs, PLAAFPs, FBAs, and many more. So, bring an acronym list with you to meetings with the school to help you meaningfully participate in discussions about your child’s education.
4. Ask questions and listen. This is particularly important when attending IEP (or “ARD”) meetings with the school to discuss your child’s educational programming. Many times, parents and school staff agree on the desired outcome – we just disagree on how to get there. Tell the IEP committee what you want and ask them for their suggestions. They are the education professionals. This does not mean that you must agree with what they say, but it is important to get their input. You never know – they might have amazing suggestions that you have not considered. Through using this approach, you are doing several (positive) things:
· You are encouraging educational professionals to use their skills as intended, which they generally really enjoy – don’t we all enjoy using our expert knowledge for its intended purpose! We want everyone to be excited and to “think outside the box”. Already, you have steered the energy in the room in a positive direction.
· You promote positive collaboration between committee members. Positivity tends to be “catching”. When one person starts providing unique suggestions, others may chime in to add their thoughts to build on the original suggestions.
· Listening and affording other people respect and space to speak begets more of the same – meaning that you are more likely to be afforded the same respect and space thereafter.
5. Document, document, document. If something is important, make sure it is documented. This is important for a couple reasons – first, it helps everyone remember and stay on the same page as to what should happen. Second, to the extent you and the school have a disagreement that escalates to the point of you filing a request for special education due process hearing, grievance, or other complaint, documentation is vital for you to support your complaint.
6. Be squeaky. We have all heard the adage “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” – this holds true in the special education realm as well. Of course, don’t squeak constantly, which leads to my next tip . . .
7. Pick your battles. Often, it is a good idea to do a reset by asking yourself “what will help my child the most?” This is a good way to take ego out of the mix and refocus yourself on the goal. Also, when you do decide to stand your ground, you will be better received if you prioritize in this way.
8. Don’t delay in seeking legal representation if you need it. There is a 2-year statute of limitations. Although 2 years sounds like a long time, it isn’t when you consider the necessary preparation work and other variables.
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